Perfectionist? It might be the symptom of a broken heart

This week in my 7 Voices of Ego Program, we talked about the Heart Chakra.

The heart chakra can help you develop compassion for yourself and others. It guides you in your expression of love, and in the receiving of love. Its message reminds you that you are not broken – nor is anyone else. When the hurts of the heart chakra are healed, the egoic inner critic calms down and you develop a true sense of inner peace.

The imbalances in the Heart Chakra, and the ego voices found here, prevent us from loving who we really are, and how we really want to show up in the world. The more hurts we have, the more we are prone to believe that there is something wrong with us, and we retreat and self-barricade within our hearts so we won’t feel the hurt. Some people tend to retreat in their heads and their imaginary world, where everything is beautiful and perfect, and they always know the perfect way to respond to all types of situations.  Other people retreat in their gut, their action centre, and prefer to be active and do, do, do: the more active they are, the less time they have to feel the emotional pain.  What is common in everyone with a broken heart is this defence mechanism: perfectionism.

When you are perfectionist, you have a HUGE inner critic.  You likely have an inner voice that sounds something like this:

  • I’m such a looser.
  • I totally suck.
  • I’m a failure.
  • I have to get everything right, every detail, all the time – otherwise I’m a failure.
  • People won’t love or appreciate me if they only knew this fault about me – so I have to hide it.

Does this sound familiar?  At some point in your life,  you likely made a heart-felt promise that you wouldn’t disappoint someone – a parent, a teacher, a loved one.  And however much you tried, it wasn’t good enough.  You feel that your body, your mind,  your knowledge, your skills…  betrayed you.  What’s often going on behind perfectionism is a simmering anger and self-hatred.  And it’s hiding very, very well.  Perfectionists have the art of putting on their happy face and saying out loud, “of course I’m fine!  Nothing’s wrong!”  What they hate the most is showing vulnerability.

I know – I’m a recovering perfectionist myself.  I still cringe when I publish blog posts or emails with typos or copy error.  But I’m teaching myself to move forward, to free myself from the burden of perfectionism, to accept that I am human.  (grrr sooo hard at times!!)  I know that perfectionism can keep me stuck from doing my life’s mission, and I have decided that bringing my heart and my work out to the world is much more important than doing everything right and pleasing everyone.

I know this experience can hit home for you, too.  After all, so many of my clients and students are struggling with perfectionist tendencies.  So many have a wounded heart, and it’s so hard to admit the pain.

My invitation is to acknowledge the depth of your pain. Admit to yourself how much you hurt. Find the help you require to deal with the emotional or mental trauma. Allow yourself to cry, to grieve, to anger – don’t hold it in. Stop trying to be super woman to everyone.

Join me for a few rounds of EFT/tapping.  Start healing your deep-seeded story of how you broke your own heart.  You will feel better, more relaxed, more calm, more centred.

 

Of course, this work does not replace therapeutic help from a licensed medical or psychological specialist.  If you struggle with the depression or polarity issues that often accompany perfectionism, please do get the help you need.  It’s OK and healthy to reach out for help.  I know the stigma of asking for help… it’s like confirming that there’s something wrong and that is a pain that does not want to be acknowledged…  And yet, it’s necessary.

If you want to discuss how my spiritual and energy work can support you as you heal your heart and release the pressure of perfectionism, book a complementary conversation HERE.

I’m surrounding you in Love.